it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
