You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
