i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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