I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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