Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
