hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
