We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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