I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
