nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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