clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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