u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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