I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
