I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
