glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
