just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
