Do you still have your period?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
