I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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