even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
