You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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