Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
