Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
