I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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