i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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