i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
