R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
