Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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