whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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