I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
