why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Fuck appropriateness.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
