She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bring me that man meat
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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