The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
