Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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