You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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