So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize