Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
