Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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