Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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