Quick, to the slutcave!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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