so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
