normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
