Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
