I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
