Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
