it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
