Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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