Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
