im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
