mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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