Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
