You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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