i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize