Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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