Where is the hickey?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
