Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
