Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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