You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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