rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
