for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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