I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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