he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
