Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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