omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
