I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
