You're my little dorito
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize