imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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