Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize