Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
