Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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