my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
