my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
