You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
