How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
