I think i sorta joined a cult last night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
