I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
