Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
