I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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